The Boy from Balcatta. G'day Cobblers

[Gorath]

Here are my idiot questions, having never done this before and having little understanding of how wood works:

1) If you stain Maple, does it take ages to dry (it seems to, in comparison to other woods)

2) How many stain, intensifying and finishing coats are "normal" in preparing a raw wood guitar body?

3) If I'm putting stain on the neck, what do I do with the neck on the fretboard? Stain/finish in between the frets? Put it all on everything and scrape the finish off the frets themselves?

4) Hypothetically speaking (on a friend's behalf... well, he's more of an acquaintance) if I put a second coat of intensifying coat on my telecaster body using dingotone and I went mental on it because I ... I mean he or she ... was drunk, and really caked it on, would steel wool or fine sand be best at bringing that back into line?

5) Is Santa real?


Thanks guys and gals in advance for your help and sage advice