The Funny But Bad Joke
The Funny But Bad Joke
Haha....good one.
Here's a good musician joke, it's aimed at keyboard players:
Q, What does it mean when the keyboard player drools from both sides of their mouth?
A, The stage is level.
I've heard that one aimed at drummers and bass players too.Quote:
Originally Posted by DrNomis_44
Definition of "perfect pitch": tossing an accordion into a dumpster from 30ft without touching the sides.
LOL^
What do you call 10,000 oboes at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
DB you going to ad Banjos to the list above
KB and Dr Nomis heard those ones not bad jokes at all.
I can't think of any good muso jokes right now but will come up with some later aimed at everyone except guitarists haha
Got a long one for you:
A drummer hears about a native African tribe where they have drums going on constantly. Intrigued, he visits them with a guide, who explains that the drums are played to ward off an unspoken evil. Whenever he asks the guide about it, the guide replies "The drums must never stop!"
The drummer, over the course of his visit, is slowly driven crazy by the incessant drumming and begs the guide to get them to stop for an hour. "No! The drums must never stop!" After three days of being kept awake by the drums the drummer collapses in a heap, exhausted.
When he awakes, there is silence.
Then he hears the faint sound of panic from the villagers, growing ever louder. Terrified, the drummer grabs the guide- "The drums have stopped! You said the drums must never stop! What happens now the drums have stopped??"
And the guide replies.....
...."BASS SOLO!!"
Oh man. Classic!
trust a bass player to tell that joke and another bassist to enjoy it ! haha DB you better read BG's joke !
fair enough would be easy to edit the last line
@ Pablo how come you have avatar in the threads but in the activity stream you don't ?
What is the difference between a 4 String Banjo and a 5 String Banjo?
It takes about a minute longer to burn the 5 string...
haha nice one Rabbitz, I'm sure DB will enjoy that joke.
Nice work putting all the spaces in the punchline so you couldn't read it from the activity page.
On the plus side the 5 string would keep you warmer a bit longer was almost zero degrees this morning in southern parts of Perth
Here's a good one for you:
A guitarist dies and goes to heaven,he arrives at the pearly gates and is greeted by St Peter,he tells St Peter what he did during his life, St Peter says with a smile "Oh you are just going to love it here,Jimi Hendrix and alot of other famous musicians are here,we have non-stop jam sessions,rooms with every guitar,amp,and stompbox you could ever want,so go ahead and make yourself at home".
The guitarist goes into a room,picks up a guitar,and is just about to plug in when he hears some neo-classical shreading coming from another room,he puts the gutar down and goes back to St Peter,he asks St Peter... "Is Yngwie here?",St Peter looks at the guitarist and says ""Sorry,I don't remember him arriving".
The guitarist goes back to the room,he is about to plug into an amp when he hears some more neo-classical shredding,this time at a faster tempo,he goes back to St Peter and says, "Are you sure Yngwie isn't here? ",St Peter looks through the entries in his book and looks at the guitarist with a frown... "Sorry,he's not listed anywhere in my book,perhaps it is someone else you heard".
The guitarist goes back to the room,and is about to plug in when he hears the familliar strains of "Black Star" played very fast coming from the other room,he puts the guitar down and goes back to St Peter,"Listen,St Peter,I know what I heard and if it isn't Yngwie,who is it?",St Peter rolls his eyes and whispers in the guitarist's ear,"That person you heard is god,he thinks he's Yngwie".
Q,How do you make a vocalist sound like a chainsaw?
A,Just add vibrato....
Q,What's the difference between a drummer and a pizza?
A,A pizza feeds a family of four.
Musician jokes
Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, "I can do that!"
Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?
A: Bach in the saddle again.
Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified.
Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
A: Because he's Haydn!
Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket?
A: A Chopin Liszt.
Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A: A pair of Re-bachs.
Q: What do you call a male quartet?
A: Three men and a tenor.
Where are we?
Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once. In the middle of the music, Kriesler got lost and turned around to ask Rachmaninov, "Where are we?"
Rachmaninov said, "Carnegie Hall, sir!"
What's that sound?
A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commerative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper.
She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is.
The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."
Arriving in Heaven
Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.
St. Peter: Hi, what's your name?
Paul: My name is Paul.
St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
Paul: 120K.
St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?
Paul: I was a lawyer.
St. Peter: That's great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name?
Roger: My name is Roger.
St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
Roger: 60K.
St. Peter: Hey, that's great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living?
Roger: I was an accountant.
St. Peter: That's very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name?
John: My name is John.
St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died?
John: About $23,000.
St. Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?
haha not bad Dr Nomis
Another St Peter joke:
St P: "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven- please state your earthly occupation upon approach."
Dead Guy 1: "I was a surgeon. I saved hundreds of lives and often gave my time for free."
St P: "You may pass through the Gates to recieve your reward. Welcome."
Dead Guy 2: "I was a teacher for 30 years. Many of my students went on to achieve greatness"
St P: "You may pass through the Gates to recieve your reward. Welcome."
Dead Guy 3: "I was a trombonist in a jazz band"
St P: "Alright- you go round the back to the service entrance, down the stairs, through the kitchen...."
haha nice one BG, the St Poida jokes are flowing today !
How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. They just stand there and hold it and expects the whole world to revolve around them
Haha, good one, Rob!
good one Rob good to hear from you on the forum, been a while. You need another build mate !
Hey Warren, yeah its been a while. The Black Dog is back unfortunately. I've tried to keep myself busy with a few home reno's but as soon as I finish them its back so I've been trying to do a bit of recording to keep myself occupied.
Now, I'm sick of listening to the same thing over and over about a thousand times. lol. Every time I think its ready to put away I think I can improve a bit more. Its just a 4 chord "vamp" that I've put some rubbish lead over but its getting me to learn all about the recording process which is doing my head in at present, but lots of fun all the same.
I have started thinking about another build but getting the motivation to start is turning out to be harder than I thought. The reno's have drained the coffers somewhat so I will have to wait until next month to start ordering all the bits and pieces.
sounds good Rob, sounds like you have been keeping busy.
What model kit you thinking about for the next one ?
I'm sure once a kit arrives your motivation will quickly rise !
Not sure yet. But probably another Tele. I absolutely adore my Cabronita Tele with the the P90's (it is by far my favourite guitar now) but not sure if I will go with the Hot 90's again or go for a lesser wound set and try and tame it a bit. I could also try using a 250k pot instead of the 500k. No point in having 2 guitars that sound exactly the same.
If I do go ahead with the build it will have to be finished on or near the 15th October, so if I am to go again I had better start soon.
Take care mate
rob
so the tele in your avatar your favourite ? Of course build another tele with a different sound makes sense.
So you can thank me for getting the wheels moving on the next build haha
Q, How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light globe?
A, None, it has to want to change.
Hey - what's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
People like to hear a fiddle played.
PS - Robin - sorry to hear about the black dog. Know you've got plenty of mates here that will be thinking and praying for you.
Q. What do you throw a lead guitarist when he's drowning?
A. His amp.
What is the difference between a Violin Player and a Fiddle Player?Quote:
Originally Posted by Brendan
The pay cheque.
What do you call someone who hangs around musicians?
A drummer...
(A banjo player)
(A piano accordion player)
(etc)
Great to hear you've been getting stuck into a bit of recording Rob, like you say, you get to know a song pretty well by the end of it. Don't get too discouraged if things aren't sounding quite right, just stick at it, watch heaps of tutorials and put them into practice.
A lot of it's about training your ears, which simply won't happen overnight, so while listening to a track 1057 times seems a bit of a drag, you're actually fine tuning your ears and your ability to pick apart specific aspects of a mix.
You'll have to shoot me a demo sometime, I'd love to have a listen and dish out some impartial feedback. Keep it up mate.
Q: What do you get when you mix a roadie and a drummer?
A: An even dumber roadie
Q: What is the difference between a vocalist and a terrorist (sorry if this one offends anyone, let me know and I will delete if anyone is offended at all!)
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist
BASS SOLO!!!
E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E
How do you make a Guitarists car go faster?
Take the Pizza delivery sign off the roof........
Whats the difference between a Drummer and a Drum Machine?
With a Drum Machine you only need to punch the info in once.....
I could go on but I choose not to ;)
@ Woks
Thanks mate, sometimes I just need a good kick in the pants to get me going again.
@Brendan
Hey Brendan, between Church and PitBull I feel pretty blessed to be with friends.
@Barge
Thanks Nige, thanks for the encouragement mate. There are just so many Tutes on YT that it starts getting a bit overwhelming.
Being and old dude my ears are pretty stuffed, but they are working just good enough to know that nobody deserves to here my stuff just yet. It started off just being a backing track but I got a bit carried away lol. Its just getting the whole mix to sit together properly is the hard part. You fix up one bit and then 4 others parts need to be changed. But its getting closer.
Cheers guys, many thanks
Why do drummers leave drum sticks on the dashboard of their cars?
So they can get the handicapped car parks. ....(apologies in advance if this offends)
I have another one which is related to something that has happened today....
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Wonderwall, I said maybe...
How do you get an electric guitarist to turn his amp down?
Put some sheet music in front of him.